Nate's Nuggets #1: Hold yourself and others to high standards
Letting go of the "need to be liked", and replacing that with an admiration over time that's built when people say in 10 years: "I would work with that guy again in a heartbeat" - Ken Norton
I was pretty surprised at a recent conversation I had with a Data Analyst on my team when she asked me: “So what’s your motive for doing all of this?”
She continued: “You work two jobs here. You often work during the weekends. You’re caring about a scope of work that technically involves another squad’s responsibility. Why? I mean you worked at Bain so it’s probably not adding prestige. But there must be something right? Are you trying to get connections to build an education startup or something like that? I mean you could theoretically just take it easier. We just don’t see this often.”
The reason I was surprised is because I never thought about it that way.
This was my answer: “Genuinely, I do all of this because I think it would be a waste to not use what I think is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to its maximum potential. I joined GovTech in the first place because I care about creating deep, true impact, while getting to learn a boatload about the Indonesian education sector in a way I would probably never, ever have the chance to grasp without this opportunity. It’s why I moved back to Indonesia in the first place. To not give it my all — I just think would be a massive waste of this opportunity. The other things are secondary.”
I was reflecting upon this interaction, and it sparked a realization that perhaps this type of high-ownership mindset isn’t all that common. Which to me, is a shame, because I feel that:
First, this type of mindset has opened up so many doors for me that I could not have previously imagined (not just promotions, but also deeply meaningful career opportunities and people I’ve met across the journey)
Second and more personal, is that I could not imagine anything more fulfilling than to give your best towards something
And finally, the reason I feel why more people don’t adopt this mindset is due to the fact that they don’t know how to operationalize high-ownership and standards for themselves
So this brings me to this little reflection piece on holding yourself to high standards, and why I also feel important to hold others (even if not directly on your team) to high standards as well (which we’ll cover after).
Holding yourself to high standards
When I was writing this, one quote from Walt Disney comes to my mind:
Whatever you do, do it well. Do it so well that when people see you do it, they will want to come back and see you do it again, and they will want to bring others and show them how well you do what you do.”
Whatever you do: do it well. It doesn’t mean you have to work crazy hours or work weekends. It doesn’t mean you have to stress yourself to the point of burnout. What Disney is saying is that the things that you do, the things you take accountability for — do them with the best of your spirit.
As someone working in Product Management, I doubt any of us set out with the intention of ever shipping low quality products. But yet, it happens. We make bad decisions that end up negatively impacting the user experience. We don’t think through second or third order effects of our decisions before we ship products.
One or two bad decisions are fine. We all make mistakes. But when it becomes regular, then it’s indicative that our systems need work. What I realized is that our internal systems: the way WE operate as a unique individual, and the way you expect OUR TEAMS to operate, should be worked on and made clear to everyone. Building great products is less so about one-off great execution than it is about creating replicable, high-quality systems of decision-making and execution.
A highly recommended article by Nickey Skarstad (Director of Product at Duolingo, Ex Product-Lead at AirBnB) highlights what building high-quality product quality systems means in practice. In essence, what she highlights is the need to define what North Star output the team is optimizing towards and a focused list of inputs that have highest leverage towards driving that output. For AirBnb Experiences — the product Nickey was driving:
The North Star output metric was “% of five star reviews” — as it was a brand new marketplace that required trust to be built. If they didn’t course correct urgently if this North Star metric did not meet standards, the entire product was at risk.
And through deep research, they determined that the highest leverage inputs towards this North star were the way they presented/sold the Experience on Airbnb, and the expertise/caliber of the host themselves during the Experience
Many teams have OKRs — but how many actually set a high North Star and deliberately have plans to “course correct” or even “roll-back” if things go wrong? How many people know the highest leverage inputs to the North Star? How many would actually say “Stop — we’re not ready and we haven’t met our bar. Let’s not launch”? Many Product organizations or people think that ‘shipping’ a product is the end goal itself, but how many base their decisions and everything else from this high bar EVEN if it’s disappointing? This is the epitome of holding yourself to a high standard, and I respect those who take it seriously.
While the above is an example of having a high set of standards on the team-level, you could also apply it on a more personal level as well by asking yourself these questions:
What matters to you?
What does living life according to your standards means?
What are you not willing to give up in order to maintain those standards?
Answering the questions above — while more philosophical in nature — allows me to understand my personal level of standard when building products or even in my own personal relationships. Applying it to my career, knowing that I chose to pursue an experimental job in public-sector technology through GovTech at the Ministry of Education, I know that I will not take any second here for granted. This means:
My personal North Star of being in this job is NOT to get a promotion, to accelerate a traditional Product career, or to make friends — it’s to deeply create as much impact in Indonesian education in the small time-space that we have
That means I will actively “say no” to things that do not drive that mission
That means I will NOT play politics to just get ahead or to make people like me
It means that I will actively go above and beyond for the things that matter, and push myself to do things that might seem out of the box in order to create more deep user impact (e.g. being an assistant teacher 1 day a week and working Saturdays to make up for it)
It means that I will be incredibly reflective and self-aware of my own flaws, and be open to constant feedback from my team and others.
And it also means I won’t just care about my own product scope, and vigorously push others to also achieve a high level of standard (because impact is not only created through my product, but it’s at the level of the ecosystem).
The last point brings me to the next theme.
Hold others around you (even if not directly on your team) to high standards
I realize that many of us are scared of “offending” or causing people to feel hurt, or even lose morale. We end up making suboptimal choices because of this fear. I liken this to the following analogy from a relationship perspective:
You want to break up with your partner. You know it’s the right choice. But it’s Valentines. Not a good idea. Fast forward. It’s her birthday. Not a good idea. She has exams. The cycle repeats over and over, and in this process you’re likely not a very good boyfriend yourself. You both lose trust in each other, and the relationship ends in the worst way it could even if the intent was coming from a ‘good place’.
The road to hell is often paved with good intentions. As a leader, we think that “being nice” is important because you don’t want to be disliked or you don’t want people to feel sad. However, if you’re a great leader, you know that long-term this will end up hurting your mission in the long term.
Remember the high standards framework I showed above (with Nickey’s framework) that represents how a team should operate? If you’re a leader, and you DON’T make it explicitly clear what high standards are, and enforce them deeply — in my opinion you’re not doing your job well. You’re paid as a leader to make tough calls towards long-term success, even if it means making short-term tradeoffs. And if you’re an excellent leader, it shouldn’t “hurt” the team because they also should hold the high standards close to their hearts. You should be advocating for this every single day. Brian Chesky of AirBnB for example, is infamous for texting the team anytime anything isn't working right in the product. While it’s extreme — it’s an example of what is needed to build an extremely strong company and product.
What does that implicate for those of us who are not the highest leader? Well if you want to be in that position someday: we should act like it, and we should know how to think in that level.
Here’s an example of how I approach this at work. As I mentioned, my North Star of being in my current company is to create deep impact to the education sector in the little time we have here — not to “play nice”. If I observe a product or business process experience that is not optimal or maybe even negative, I’ll call it out ESPECIALLY if it’s significant.
I won’t be an asshole about it (and you really don’t have to be a jerk about this — all about good communications), but I’ll actively tell them what they should be paying attention to, what alternative solutions they should consider, what decisions they need to make, the urgency, and why. I’ll be as detailed as possible, and I’ll make sure that I acknowledge my own hypotheses and biases. Sometimes, I’ll realize I’m in the wrong when I call this out and I realize that they already had plans (even way better plans) to tackle these issues.
I’m also incredibly appreciative if others do the same to me. Feedback is a deep gift.
If it’s a really big thing and they’re not taking it seriously or they haven’t made strong plans to tackle the issues— I’ll go as far as to raise the issue up to other leaders so we can solve it on the spot. As my guy Budi Tanrim says:
Being nice is just plain stupid. If you’re optimizing for being nice, you’ll hesitate to disagree with people when in reality it’s needed.
Being reasonable, on the other hand is all about trying to find the best approach and answer in the room. You might disagree, but you have no ill intention. You share your perspective when you disagree. You actively listen when people disagree.Being reasonable is not being an asshole. Assholes talk behind people and do nothing about it. You can sense their demeanor is rude and aggressive.
Don’t be an asshole. Don’t be a nice person. Be a reasonable person.
In the short term, this might cause people to feel hurt (and hopefully not if they themselves have the high standards close to their heart). But in the long-term, you will hold deep integrity towards the high standards that you set for yourself and for the team. And in the long-term, that’s what’s going to matter to actually create lasting, deep impact for anything that you build.
I’m going to emphasize this again: you don’t have to be a jerk to hold people close to you to high standards. Be clear and precise. Explain the why. Make it clear that it’s not about them. And offer to even coach or to guide. This is the way to make this sustainable in the long-term. Being a jerk won’t help either.
As Ken Norton says in a fantastic podcast on product leadership:
For me, the key was letting go of the “need to be liked” now, and replacing that with an admiration over time. I realized I wanted to be the type of leader where people say in 10 years: “I would work with that guy again in a heartbeat”.
Hope this is helpful! Stay tuned and subscribe for more nuggets :)